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When the wolf becomes the shepherd

I wanted to write this article since a long time, but as it may stir up things, I had to ask myself if the outcome might be worth it. People love their Polyannaland, and spiritual people especially. To be honest, that includes me. I love green meadows, butterflies, love and peace.

But this meadow has to be inhabited by us and at the moment it is not as much as we wish it to be. I know we only come to a state of peace and harmony, when having done our shadow-work. That has to happen on a personal level, but it will reach out to all areas of life.

Kryon has mentioned that the time of fence-sitting is over. I call it “becoming real”, as we have to walk our talk now. He also said, that there will be a division, even between lightworkers. As I can sense the truth of that, and have seen some important reasons for that division, I have to write this article.

I can sense things that are “out of balance”. In retrospective that is why I am good in almost every job, even the ones that I do not like. Once I have had 648 packages of data on my computer-screen and had to give the ok for the payments, that have been encoded in these datas. But there was this one line on my screen that “felt strange”, I opened the data and found a huge mistake in it. People thought me to be really good with numbers, but no, I´m just good in sensing energy. People fear mistakes, therefore I have made myself a lot of enemies when finding an error. But I never wanted anyone to feel miserable or bad about it, I just wanted to “heal” things, so they can run smooth and easy. When I have a client in front of me, I tune into the energies and re-arrange them to be more stable and balanced. I do not judge them for having imbalances. We all have them and we all need assistance to come into alignment again from time to time, me too.

And I also do not want to blame the ones that have created imbalance and hide it…what is called darkness. I just try to bring in the light of consciousness, as we all have an effect on our surrounding and the ones that are teaching out of a state of imbalance, to people that tried to find balance and healing, are causing great harm sometimes.

Plus there are some therapists, healers and teachers out there, that have a hidden, selfish agenda. They offer healing although they would need it themselves much more. What they do not see themselves, as the narcissist has to keep up his false persona, the spiritual narcissist even more. They cannot and do not want to see the truth. Often we become healers, because of our wounds. Or we teach, because we´ve received so many lessons. Nobody is perfect and we all have some darkness inside of us. Darkness is not what we have to fear, the dark is just the unknown…what makes some people really dangerous is that they have this hidden agenda, their intend is a very selfish and cruel one. And some are even installed to do so. Who helps them? Who benefits from divided and confused lightworkers? Think about it. The ones I´m talking about have sold their soul to things like power, money etc. They are energetic vampires, they feed off those who come to them for healing and wisdom.

I stumbled “accidentely” a few times over those people and have been talking with friends lately about it, that have recognized these wolfish shepherds also. And as so many coincidents have come together lately, I decided to write about the wolfs, that pretend to be shepherds.

The way how this con-guides attract the sheps is that they provide real help. That´s how I stumbled over them. I saw that they have some truth, some real good things to offer. It really broke my heart when I saw why they offer it. That´s really malicious. They could help so many, but instead the shepherd is just offering green meadows to herd the sheps. And they are looking  for the nicest and kindest persons to cause the biggest harm!

These false shepherds have been working in traditional religious organisations and now they are also in between the New Age Community. Talking about Love´n Light and handing once in a while a shep to the butcher. This has been a clever concept, cause the bigger the crowd of devoties, the less one missing shep would be noticed. The other sheps will not protect the one shep. They want to believe that it had to be sorted out as it was ill. And to be very clear, some sheps have even witnessed something that should make them wonder…but they have decided to sell their souls likewise…to green meadows…until they are shed or butchered and that day is coming, that´s for sure. You think you just have to stay close to the wolf,  to serve him, please him, and you´ll be safe. But truth is, that when he looks at you, he´s thinking how yummy you might taste. They are masters of manipulation, they are even using your compassion against you. They tell stories about their own wounds and hardships and you open your heart, wanting to protect and nourture them. And you will, but the wolf won´t even be grateful for that, as he just laughs about the stupid sheps.

Dear ones, the old energy tries to survive by pretending to be working for the new earth, but they don´t. If you want to spot them, look at their actions, and the outcome of those. I know this article might not find many likes, but I didn´t come to be liked. I came to live me truth and to be of service to others. Their joy is my joy, their alignment is mine. And their suffering is saddening me, so I will speak up. We are all here to walk each other home.

The wolfish shepards can only exist as long as we give away our power to outer authorities, as long as we believe in hollow words, without looking at the cruel actions and poisoned fruits. Think about it.  There´s a choice to be made. Being a herded shep or wanting to walk your own path, following your own guidance? The real teacher, leader, healer will tell you that you are your own truth, health, guidance. They´ll assist you to re-connect with your own divine core. For the ones, that are interested in sorting out whom to trust and where to be careful, I´ll write a second article.

Shine your precious light!

 

Open and true communication

There seem to be so much communication going around, but when we take a closer look a lot of it is just noise. It is distracting, confusing and even creating division instead of understanding.

We do not use communication for what it was ment to be, to show ourselves truly, to exchange points of views and experiences, to than gain better understanding of “the other”. Instead we show a false persona and speak hollow words.

Instead of true communication we lie, cheat, manipulate, fool each other (and of course ourselves, as we try to convince ourselves very often through our talk). Why? Because we think we are not good enough. That we wouldn´t be accepted when we show ourselves truly and freely. We believe to be seen as weak or vulnerable when we really speak our truth.

Well, I find the opposite to be true. The more I am aware of my own strenght, the more I am able to be open. When something is needed in this time of masks and illusions than it is true, open communication.

Real communication brings us to a place where we are able to see what we might have in common and that leads to a union beyond our diversity. There is always much more we have in common with people, than what seperates us from them. Even enemies have often much in common: Their fear, their investment in lack-mentality, their longing for safety and their believe the other would prevent them from being safe and having enough.

People are afraid others wouldn´t respect them, if they knew their weakpoints. Well, when you allow yourself to show your true self you will respect yourself for your strenght and authenticity. If you respect yourself, your weakpoints stop being weakpoints, it is just the perfect imperfect way the divine shows itself through you. The ones that than turn their back on you, not allowing your honesty, have never been a real match. It is perfect that they run to worship another illusion, to distract them from their own vulnerability. You want people that love you for who you are, and they are not able until now.

Someone told me lately that I would be too open, that I would expose myself, when talking about childhood trauma or about having had an ailment. That as a healer, teacher and a living Rose I should be an example of the divine and therefore be the best I can be. Well, I had a good laugh. Cause that is what I am. Being aware of my divine self, although I was abused as a child or having myomas. I chose that path, to be as divine AND imperfect as everyone else. To show that we are always perfect in our imperfection. Always loved, no matter what happens and that we can heal ourselves, cause everything we need to overcome our obstacles is already within us and around us. Showing my perfect imperfections is the very best I can provide.

The new healer, teacher is not showing only one aspect of himself, the divine self, s/he is showing them all, cause the most important teaching and healing s/he is providing is the truth, that you have it all inside of you also. If they are imperfect humans, your imperfection is okay, if they are divine, you are divine.

True communication shows all that you have inside. Others will  compare notes and choose what is helpful for them. In this way we benefit from communication. We have fooled ourselves and others long enough. Time to get real, to really show up, to really exchange our knowledge and truth.

When people speak to me one-on-one they dare to be real, to speak their truth, show their weakpoints. They know they can trust me, because I have been through it all myself. I know darkness, that´s why I can hold the light. I am compassionate, not because I am more holy than they, but because I am human, just like they. We have to make peace with our human self to embody the divine self.

When there is nothing to hide, that´s how we truly shine your light!

The freeing of the throat chakra

I am living a life that is filled with wonders. It really is, they are sometimes happening to me, sometimes happening through me or witnessed by me. Often these wonders have had many little steps of preparing before a huge groundbreaking step could be made, that seems like an unbelievable wonder, coming out of the blue. Literally in this case, as the color of the throat-chakra is blue.

I have been silenced and killed for speaking my truth so very often, like so many of us have been. Experiencing to stay in silence when we should have spoken up, or to have spoken, when we should´ve stay silent. Whatever we did, it always had lead into trauma of some kind.

Exactly one year ago I was told by a guy that I should be more careful with my self-expression, as I´d not be aware of the power of my words. I looked at him and thought that he is not aware, that this power he projected onto me, was also his own and that he silenced me so often in other lifes because he struggeled with his own power and voice. Well, this time he didn´t kill me physically, but took my voice in other ways with much cruelty. We were a perfect match of suppressed self-expression. But it could do me no real harm, as I am using all adversities now  as stepping stones and try to transmute all energies. And a lot of it had to do with freeing my throat and taking back my voice.

I have described a few weeks ago in a blogpost, how my creativity had been suppressed in my childhood and how I had started with writing almost 12 years ago. Many things happened to free my throat in these years. Bringing out my first two books the last 5 years, I have had  a writers podcast, I´ve been creating this blog a year ago, in a language that I almost not even dared to speak, because of mean mocking about my abilities to express myself in english. In the beginning of 2017 I even started to have little vids on a YouTube-Channel and I recorded two guided meditations into the “Inner Rosegarden”. Recently I had started a german blog about my childhood abuse and speaking about my true self as a Healer of Hearts. I have started to express myself in many ways, but I never dared to sing, as I´ve been unable to hold the tone and have been deeply shamed for that. I had also described in that blogpost how I nevertheless once have sung a song to my daughter when she was a baby and how she had felt the love in my voice and stopped crying and fell asleep.

But still I couldn´t hold a tone and was very shy even when singing a happy birthday together with others when my voice was hardly heared at all. Well, yesterday I went to an online meeting via zoom, hosted by Merita Bat Shoshan, who created and used the BlueRose you can see above. She did that meeting together with Julita Gonera and Colette Liose, all three adding their personal healing skills for the topic:  “Balancing you throat chakra”.

Today I suddenly starting singing. And don´t get me wrong, I´ll not start a new business and I will not become a great singer. But I used my voice naturally, expressing my feelings openly and not feeling ashamed at all. To prove it I have today recorded the song I have been singing to my daughter as a baby. It was created out of two Elvis-Songs, that came to my mind that night 30 years ago, when I had tried to comfort my crying daughter. Today this song, you hear when opening the link: The freeing of the throat-chakra had closed a beautiful circle. I have just changed the lyrics a little bit.

A deeply, deeply felt “Thank you” to everyone, that helped me to become free, like a bird in a tree.

We can only perceive our own nature

I was wondering a long time, why people can not see the love and beauty all around them. And I´ve got to confess that for a very long time I tried to help them see. But we can not. It´s been a lesson that took me quite some years, made me knock so often at the wrong doors, or wait for people that they finally move to a nicer state of being. But that has been just a distraction from my own path and a total waste of time and energy…well, but of course it doesn´t really matter, as there is no lack of time and energy in the multiverse.

Must have been eight or nine years ago, when I wrote a story about an angel, visiting hell and trying to tell the tortured souls they might just very easily leave their pots of boiling water. But noone listened, they just wanted her to stay next to them, to hold their hands while they moaned about the pain, instead of just leaving it behind. There was even one guy, trying to convince her to join him, as this would be a luxurious yacuzzi and they might have a hot pot party. If I find that story, I might translate it in english and post it, it is quite funny – and true.

For a long time I thought people are just fooled into darkness, but more and more I see, that it is their free choice. You might offer them as much love and light as you want, they´ll not be able to deal with it. Even when they pretend that they want it, they do not. You can send them a Jesus and they´ll nail him to the cross, sell the pieces and parts of that cross, kill and torture others in the name of Jesus…and not understand one of his words.

For a long time I thought something must be wrong with me, cause somehow people just couldn´t see or hear me. Literally. People almost run into me very often. Physically seen it is not easy to oversee or overhear me. Some people told me it must be my faulth, that I do not see myself, or do not show myself. And of course I was so willing to see it as my failure. It is not, all is well and I received some masterlessons lately.

I tried to tell people in my office that I do not want to hear things about violence, rape and sexual abuse, especially not the details out of a police report…but they just did not hear it. They reacted on the first half of my sentence (cause they normally listen), but the rest they just did not hear. If they would have listened, they would have to face their hunger for destortion, and that´s not what they want to see…and change. Today I even left the room in the middle of their talk, without saying one word, I turned around and simply left, let them literally speak into empty air and they did not react at all to my unusual and rude behaviour. Astonishing.

I exposed some really unknown chapters of my life lately and people that are normally following every move of me and that are really curious just did not see it. Interesting.

Yesterday I read an eye-opening story in “Memoirs of a Master”. In this story the Master visits a shop in an Elvis-Las- Vegas-Dress and at the end there is a message over the loudspeaker saying “Elvis has left the building”…and noone reacts. People do not see and hear what is out of their own vibration. And in this story it is explained that this happens for safety-reasons. So when I was trying it today, acting in a rude manner and people didn´t respond at all, I realized it is true.  And for the first time I felt good, when not being seen and heared. I´ve been dragged to the pyre too often by people that called it a bonfire, as destroying what they weren´t able to build had been their passion by free choice. No need to hang around with them. We can not make the blind see, unless they want it.

Today when coming from work I entered the tram, that´s been overly crowded, as it´s been rush-hour. On the ground there was a broken white Rose, maybe it felt out of a bouquet. Noone saw the flower, I wondered how it comes that they did not step onto her. So I picked her up, carried her home and gave her water. I posted a picture and the comment of Coco, that this flower is like fresh snow, pure, made me realize, that she would have seen and picked the Rose also. Her words showed who she is. People can only perceive purity and beauty, when they have it themselves.

We can not heal the darkness of others, just remove our own (we all have it to some degree). But when we shine our light, the right ones will see it. Isn´t that perfect?

The Choir of Energies – My calling

 

To me it is a beautiful, divine joke that I am gathering people for group sessions. I really love being on my own, as I am very sensitive to energies and easilys distracted by others energies. I love being in nature, as there every being is just following their flow, all is connected and itself at the same time. And that is my real magic, being able to perceive and feel that connection with all that is and in nature that feels great. With humans not so much usually. We are all more or less distorted as humans, we have lost this ability to be part of all that is and being ourselves at the same time.

But I remember how this feels like. I had a memory all my life, that didn´t seem to fit into this life and not even into my pastlifes. I remembered a place where I felt like a child sitting on a beautiful meadow, being totally happy, in peace and in love with all that is. I was connected in a very loving way with other beings, also living there, we had an inner awareness of the other. And than something horrible happened. Some of us went into a kind of cave (the soul thinks in pictures) and one being that was very close and dear to me, went into it and got lost. The inner connection was cut off. I reached out and couldn´t sense him. He didn´t answer. Another one went there to search for the first one, but the same happened. It felt horrible. And although the cave felt like really great danger, I couldn´t stand it to have no connection and not knowing if they are fine. So I went into the cave also, because I wanted to help them, but also out of curiosity and adventure. I knew it is dangerous, one could easily get lost, just like the others. The last thing I remember was pure blackness and horror. Welcome to planet earth and to a world where people do not know that they are one with all of creation. Where connection was made to dominate or manipulate and not as a natural expression of the own being.

2009 I met a guy named David Brown. He was from South Afrika and channeling Kryon, but more working with emotional topics like the Inner Child. I had started to write and thought about writing books and he told me that this is fine, but it would lead me to be “A Healer of Hearts”. I thought he is making jokes. But no, he insisted that this is my calling and what I came for.

2010 I listened to a guy named Alberto Villoldo, a medical Anthropologist and also a well known Shaman, as he was teaching what he learned from the Indigenious People. He said they were telling a tale about a heavenly meadow where we all have been living in harmony until a huge and beautiful angel came along and told about this earth and that people here need help. And some chose to come here and this are the lightworker. I stood there mouth open and thunderstruck when he told that story. How could a tribe in the Amazonas know my memory about the heavenly meadow? And well, I understood that I came here, cause even some lightworker had lost their inner connection with all that is. And of course I did also…just I had a precious memory, the ticket home, in my pocket when I came in.

When having my Initiation last year the prohecy of me being a healer of hearts came true. The Rose is all about Love and Compassion and these are the Masterkeys for any form of healing and well-being.

When 2017 started I was facing an interesting problem: How should I find time for all the people wanting to get to know the Rose or needing help and assistance, but couldn´t afford a private session? It wasn´t possible to help all and it didn´t feel right to exhaust myself, as I have to work at an office-job to pay my rent, I need time for my own evolvement and my writing work. When having a problem, we need to think totally outside the box. It seemed impossible to find a solution. So I asked  the higher self of a master-soulutioner: My own. I received very clear instructions: Bring together quantum healing and group sessions and dedicate one day every month totally to this work. Give no other free sessions, but take good care for yourself. So I gave the first group-session on january 7th, the evening before my birthday. Goodness, I couldn´t imagine what would take place, made me laugh and cry at once. Every month I learn more. The people that are gathering at a quantum level, all over the planet, are creating such an amazing choir of energies, that I couldn´t have imagined that in my wildest dreams. I´ve got the ability to connect with others through conciousness, the inner net, that is the precious gift of OneLove I brought in from our divine home. So I stretch my consciousness to all participants, gathering them at a quantum place outside of time´n space as we know it and they are all adding their energies to this choir of divine love. I know that this will be a new kind of energy healing on this planet. When science will be able to understand multidimensionality they will understand how we are all connected and such sessions will be very common.

One thing is also very important: One of my other gifts is to understand natural abundance. It is working like nature and like the choir of energies. Everyone brings in what s/he has and everyone receives what s/he needs. This is very difficult to understand with our cultural programming, cause all on the old earth was about energy feeding and stealing. When people loose their divine connection they are starving and therefore working with domination and manipulation to steal from others. All humans do that somehow. But when we learn to reconnect with our divine self this is no more needed, as we have access to endless energies.

I had people that didn´t dare to sign in for the monthly session as they didn´t want to take something when they can give nothing in return or they thought others might need the healing energy more. That is the old healing modality, but not what happens while the group sessions. When so many beautiful souls are connected with their divine self, there is more than enough as every participant is adding to a place of plenty and endless abundance. I started the monthly sessions out of love  for others and love for myself. This pure intend brings me back to the heavenly meadow, all connected to all, while being themselves. Thank you to all participants that are co-workers in bringing in the Choir of Love. It is really happening. We are bringing heaven to earth.

Keep on shining your beautiful light!

The implementation of sin

In the bible there´s the story of Adam and Eve and how they had lost their innocence when eating the apple from the tree of knowledge. From this moment on they thought they knew what is right and what is wrong.

Eh? Really? What if they just fantasized they´d know it? What if not the knowledge was the sin, but the false assumption to have this knowledge created distortion?! Eve immediately felt bad about being naked, she suddenly had to hide something. This apple didn´t represent a god-like knowledge, but the loss of the inner connection to creation. Because of the false assumption to know right from wrong, they started to judge everything. What if noone had cast them out of paradise, but suddenly they´ve found mistakes in everything and their resistance made them judgemental? That may ruin every paradise.

Well you remember their sons Kain and Abel? The parents were always picking on Kain, nothing he did was right “in the eyes of god”. Their eyes. Abel maybe didn´t wanted to repeat the experience of his older brother, so he did what he was told to do. Well, with their judgement, they´ve ruined theirs sons lifes. One became a murderer and the other a victim.

And that didn´t stop until this very day. The ones, that do not want to obey to others rules and norms feel bad, because they are “wrong” and the ones that suppress themselves to fit in are also totally unhappy.  And once in a while they change positions, but they will not return to paradise until they let go of the judgements and dare to just relax into their true selves.

Whenever I talked to people that are “bad”, they have been created with two things:

  1. They´ve been victims themselves somehow. They´ve been deeply hurt.
  2. They feel bad about themselves and are acting out destructive to feel a kind of release.

And no, that is not an excuse for distorted actions. But this planet provides the perfect conditions to create dark patterns. And I know that people that feel bad about themselves do not have the strenght to leave these patterns. Love gives that strenght, but how shall they find it, when feeling bad about themselves?

When you love, you will not harm with intend the one you love, may it be yourselve or any other.

Love is my anti-sin-thesis.

 

Darkness helps the Lightforces

Darkness is in its core the not conscious. We fear it, but we don´t have to. What is life all about? We came to make the unknown known. Darkness was only allowed to seemingly take the earthly reign for a while, to bring more light and consciousness here. Darkness always helps the light on the long run. There are not many really evil humans on this planet. The average human can not even stand to do something evil and therefore has to be fooled and manipulated into madness. The bad guys are normally believing to be the good guys and that they have to fight “the other”, for whatever reason they believe in. Even the ones that are fighting for the dark army, in most cases believe to be the good forces, while suffering from and expressing immense pain inside of them.

Very few people have willingly decided to be evil. And well, after a while even they find they are just helping the light. Goethe wrote about that frustrated forces of darkness and made the devil Mephistopheles confess: “I am part of that Power which would the Evil ever do, and does the Good.” Yes. On these earthly realms duality creates movement and evolvement and the old earth has had an enormous density. It needed some extreme forces to move here anything at all. But it is getting lighter now.

Today the christians celebrate “Good Friday”, a name that puzzled me, cause behind it there´s a story of betrayal, suffering and a mighty earthly power punishing a man, that dared to insist he is not a slave, but the beloved child of god, a Master. And he was right. So his consciousness infused others with Love´n Light. His message was that we all can do as he did. Indeed. May it be!

Shine your light!

The cursed children

Once upon a time there was a little boy, that had been raised by a narcissistic mother. As she feared her own vulnerability and emotions she suppressed it in herself and in her child. She believed this world to be a cruel, cursed place and created her own reality. The frightened son didn´t recieve love, only a false surrogat, when he acted in a way that pleased the mother. She felt releave when her child seemed to “be better” than others. But as he had been punished the same time when not pleasing her, he didn´t create self-worth,  but absorbed the love surrogate, while deep inside still believing to be unworthy.

Once upon a time there was a little girl with a narcissistic mother and as the mother feared her own vulnerability and emotions, she tried to suppress it in herself and her child. She believed this world to be a cruel, cursed place and created her own reality. The frightened daughter didn´t recieve love, only a false surrogat, when she acted in a way that pleased the mother. She felt releave when her child seemed to “be better” than others. But goodness, her child was a total failure, and seldom able to make things right. No matter how much the little girl tried, the mother was never truly satisfied. Most of the time the child felt abandoned, just once in a while she received the love surrogate, while deep inside still believing to be unworthy.

When they grew up, the boy became a narcissist and the girl a people-pleaser and of course they´ve been attracted to each other. What seemed like a cruel joke, to recreate the circle of distortion. But this perspective is the cursed one, the problem. The truth is that the universe is a loving one, looking for balance and so(u)lution. To not ask the other for the surrogate, but create self-love and deep acceptance.

In the end all is well and all is love!

Your perception changes everything

It´s not what happens in your life, but how you look at it what makes the difference. Yesterday evening I was sitting on my balcony and it´s been raining cats and dogs. It felt beautiful and I was fascinated by the lights in the houses around and the splishsplash sound the raindrops made. I smelled the earth in the fresh air and felt the comfort of my home. When I went inside I heared a neighbor playing on a piano. Well it´s been far away from a good play, but I felt the beauty in it very intensely anyway and enjoyed it very much. Someone else would have felt disturbed, while I was totally happy to listen to it. I went online and tuned into the Crimson Circle webcast and wasn´t surprised when they were, just like last month, talking about sensuality as a masterlesson. It is, indeed. Sensuality changes the way you see this world totally.

I remember when I recieved such a masterlesson 20 years ago. It´s been a hot day and I was stuck in traffic, the emissions of the cars made it hard to breath and everything felt somehow heavy and dense. I looked out of the window of that car and saw the child of a local shop owner playing with a plastic ball. The little one had down syndrome and I always had felt a kind of pity for the child and its parents. But in this moment something happened. When I looked at the child the sunlight was falling on its face, that had an expression of pure bliss on it. It was as if time stopped. A perfect moment. I saw the face of god in this child. I mean it. I came to my senses. My filters of human stupidity were removed and my perception changed totally.

A Master has removed the human filters, that block his senses. I recognize a Master by the way they look at the world. With shiny eyes, seeing god in all that is. They are able to sense instead of project. It´s really time to come to our senses, as this changes everything in our lifes.

Shine your light and dare to sense!

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