Dying to be me

Last year  I experienced 3 major steps on my path.

1.) I wondered why I had still attracted abusive people. The answer was a shock. Literally frozen in time for 40 years and opening my eyes for some ugly stuff around me.

2.) An shadow-aspect returning home and the message that “the Master is in the House”. Too funny, I couldn´t remember to have asked for him to come in, but maybe that´s been the reason why he was able to enter. Well, with the integration of my shadow, things seemed to be already brighter. Until…

3.) I was told by my eternal self that I have to die. And that there´s a choice to be made by me. The choice to be reborn in the same body or to come in again as a newborn. I was shown my potential parents, their energetic body coming together in an act of love to conceive the new life. I saw the energetic body of the fetus in the mothers womb, felt the love she held for the little one – what could be me. I´ve gotta say that this felt really attractive to me, as it´s been the very opposite of this lifetime. A fresh start under conditions that are loving and supportive felt really good. The other option was to be reborn in the same old body. And I was told this would be the harder option, as changing while staying the same is way more difficult. I chose the difficult version. Of course.

I was not sure if the message was understood, as I still felt the new body calling me. So I even wrote a letter adressed at my daughter, just in case…

But my choice was heard, cause when I woke up in the morning, a few days later, my whole surrounding felt totally strange to me. At least I changed my incarnation while sleep-time, that´s been a goodie. But still not that funny, as I had lost all attachment and interest to the things that once have been mine. Loosing attachment sounds nice…it´s not in real. I can hardly describe what was going on with me. I doubted if I might have lost my mind. I was so unattached, that I could walk out of me door the very next minute and never wanting to look back, no thoughts and feelings about the old would arise. My birthchart has had lots of earth in it, so this was really weird for me.

The strangest thing was, that all was the same, but I am not. It is really like a new incarnation. Love is the only thing that remained. I will always love my daughter, no matter what body or incarnation or relationship we have. And I love cats and coffee and the starlight. And Love itself of course.

The real difficult thing was that people expected me to be the same, plus even if I had no real attachments, I still had tendencies for some behaviours, that I had to get rid off. That´s why dying is much easier, than staying in the body. When you die everyone accepts that you are not available. But when they see the same body, they´ll blame you for not being and behaving like you are supposed to – from their point of view. But of course, it doesn´t matter what someone expects, we are the ones who have to take ownership of our behaviours…no one else can be blamed for what is our responsibility. So I tried to look as normal as possible, while unbecoming what I am not.

Dying alive was a hell of a ride, while I am in total peace, holding hands and having a melt-in with all of me, loving all of me. Well and of course a million angels, incarnated or not, trying to assist me. Two of them I have chosen to cooperate with for a quantum healing space about abuse. That´s been done to the most beautiful Souls and we need them being themselves again. Whole and complete. Well today Therese offered me spontaneously to have a look, what´s still missing in my field. She´s an awesome healer. Well actually she´s been a midwife today. She´s been handed the last missing piece to be integrated again. My divine blueprint, the innocent baby child …the aspect, that´s still been missing. Dying, to be reborn. Hallelujah.

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