Month: January 2018

Recent Posts

The worst thing about abuse…

The worst thing about abuse have in my case not been the abusers. Looking backwards most of these folks have been very distorted and cowardish people, whom have normally been abused themselves.

In most cases abused people become offenders themselves or victims. And believe me it´s not the one chosing the victim-role who is the weak one. Things are seldom as they seem.

I know that I have chosen my life-path with great intend. To stand exactly where I am now!

No, the worst have been the ones knowing what´s happening and going into denial, to not risk their comfort.

The sisters of my abuser, changing the linen of the bed the eight year old shared with an adult man. My mother not wanting to take responsibilty for the life she has brought to earth, so she looked away for more than three years. And it´s been a doctor telling her, he would publicly hold her accountable for having the blood of her own child coming over her, when not taking me out of that household. And it´s not been her conscience, but his authority that saved my life.

Last year, when coming into awareness, leaving victim-consciousness behind, I saw how I still have been emotional and spriritually abused. With such an energetic signature the energy-vampires are always nearby. The Rose itself spoke to me to tell me that “Not all, collecting Roses do it out of love.” Indeed! When I stood up and spoke up for myself, my “sisters” looked away and some even took side for the abusing part. Well, they have chosen and their path is none of my business.

Now that I am at a point where I have found balance in me, against all odds, but with all heavenly forces holding my back, I have received messages myself and through others to help heal the wound that I had to overcome myself. What makes sense of course. I am aware that this brings up all the forces, that benefit from the “divide and conquer”, as I am going far beyond a pitty-party for victims or stupid gender-bashing. I go to the root as I see behind the obvious.

So the newest thing was a porn-vid sended out, with my name and picture on it, via messenger to my facebook-contacs. Pft! Seriously?! How should someone like me, standing so big, strong and tall after all she has experienced, to be offended or silenced with such a scam?! It might damage my FB-friendships or my business, of course. But guess what: That´s working for me, not against me. The ones that are sorted out that way are not the ones I want to have around anyway.

And when I wrote about it in Facebook and made a statement, most didn´t react at all, like always. Not even those that really believed it was me in the porn, found one word! Bravo! The silent masses, that´s what is the worst on this planet. They make all of it possible at all.

It can not touch me anymore. Who I am is not to be defined by the actions or in-actions of others. I have used all on my path to move beyond these games of a distorted duality. But I know one thing: The veil is lifting and the roles people are choosing become obvious. Don´t count on MY silence anymore! I will speak up. My facebook post and my blogpost are not written by someone who is hurt, but by someone who will make the silent m asses visible. I do it for those that have until now not taken their power back, to show them they can find their voice again, too. I do it because of all, who still wish things to be unseen and unspoken, so nothing will change.

To the abusers and enabelers: I welcome your darkness and will weave my magic to make your ways impossible, for a New Earth. The place I decended from to walk my brothers and sisters home. We are many, we are everywhere and nothing will prevent the future as she is already here.

I shine my light, indeed – and whatever you give to me, may it be light or dark, for an Alchema it´s all just fuel. If you stand in the light of my consciousness and see a shadow on the wall, it´s not me being scared and running, that´s for sure!

 

 

 

New Vid out about: Fear, Shadows and Darkness

I´ve made a new vid, that holds a deeper understanding about healing, duality and what balance actually really means. There is a huge misconception around that topic, especially in the lightworker community, where many are quite ignorant when it comes to these issues. Nothing is as absurde as lightworkers whom are afraid of shadows, darkness and in total denial.  If we really want to become whole again, move beyond duality, this has to be faced. I guess I made a real good job, to make it quite easy to digest, but it´s of course not the easiest of all topics anyway.

https://youtu.be/4xcBE4UfiTI

Why we cannot uplift others

I´ve gotta joyful, loving heart and I´m an empath, so I always totally enjoyed it to see people thrive.

The stranger it has been to me, that a lot of people first have been totally amazed by me, to than later start strange games, what normally ended our relationship.

If you are a loving empath who tries to uplift people, what never really works out, this article might be quite helpful to understand what´s really going on in these cases. And it holds a much better so(u)lution at the end.

First of all: We can not uplift someone, who feels down. S/he has to decide to stand up on their own.

If you ever have seen cases of co-dependency, there is always the one trying to help the person that is down. In the end, they are maybe both down, because of the energetic feeding and games that are taking place. When you finally leave, the one who is believing to be down will stand up…or, in most cases, find someone else, who tries to “help him up”.

The same dynamic is taking place when you try to uplift someone. It´s the same game, just a smaller stage. You cannot do anything for a person, but inspire them. If they do not get ignited by your spark, there´s no way to help them, without burning yourself out.

Ok, I will share a typical scenario, that had replays in different variations in my past: I meet someone, we become friends, as I´ve got something that they are missing within themselves. They love my joy, my kind heart or my inner stability. Whatever it has been, they see something inside of me, that they want to have too. Well, when I looked at them I saw their inner light, their being. I knew that they can have that too, whatever it is they see in me. They are one with all that is, they can be whatever they want. I tried to show that to them, to encourage them, remind them. Well, that´s been the moment when things started to go wrong. When comming closer with my light, all they did was focus on their shadow on the wall, getting bigger and bigger. I´ve been too much for them, so they tried to control me, own me, belittle me or turn in some way against me. And in many cases my “friends” became my hidden enemies, even waiting for a weak moment of mine, to bring me down, using everyhing they could find. They did fight me, because they somehow thought me to be above them. They have been the ones believing to be down. No one can change someone elses be-lie-f. People are creating their reality. You can not uplift them, when they think they are down.

And my role in that scenario? I did also only fool myself, believing I can do for people what they are not willing to do for themselves. And as I felt that I am too much for them, I tried to be careful. I´ve got a 12th house sun in capricorn, shining behind the scenes and therefore been targeted from hidden enemies. I´ve been hiding my light and they did hide their darkness until both collided. It´s been breaking my heart a million times – until it just couldn´t, as I understood what had taken place. They did not fight me, but their own shadow, caused by their own light they saw reflected in me and that they couldn´t open up for.

The more funnier and pleasant occasions have been people telling me how much I have evolved, while I thought that I am who I have always been. Well, actually they did evolve and therefore could also see more of my light. But that´s of course very beautiful.

See, when someone has to be uplifted, someone is above them, what is a total misconception. I told you I always knew that we all hold this divine spark. Noone is above. But I did dim my light often, to make it easier and more comfortable for others, to be around me. I wanted to be accepted by them, but just had to learn to accept myself, all facettes of me. That´s why I met so many people with a hidden darkness, as I´ve been hiding my light.

The so(u)lution for all who want to help others is the following:

Stop uplifting, but instead inhabit and shine your light with all your might.

And yes, it might be that a lot of persons will turn their back on you as they cannot stand your shine, but they are at the moment not a match anyway. You would just distract, and struggle with, each other. Won´t help no one.

Shine your beauty with all your might, it will attract the right ones and you will inspire and ignite your divine sparkle endlessly as you are a match and mirror to each other.

 

Outstanding

You cannot strive for enlightenment by following someone else’s path. You cannot become a Master by commanding and controlling others. You´ve gotta master yourself, by unbecoming all that you are not. This might take endlessly or happen in an instant. It doesn’t matter, just follow your path and let go with ease and grace.

All my life I was a living contradiction. On one hand I could relate to almost everybody, on the other hand I never fitted in. I enjoy diversity, I love to learn and to connect with people, I’m able to see what’s special about them, that’s why it is totally easy for me to connect with people. And people feel that, they feel at home and safe next to me. I literally see them and I love them for their true self. But when they are not in contact with their true self, they try to make me one, the same. And I am not and will never be. My oneness is that of the ocean, being one with all the water, loving every drop as an expression of this amazing beauty, so why would you try to limit and control him, if you can just enjoy him?

Groups have been especially difficult for me, as I could relate, but never could be assimilated by a group, as they are too limiting for me. I see through the group-dynamics of manipulation, regulations, control and energy-feeding. People entering a meditation class to than repeat all their life this one form of meditation, meeting every tuesday evening for decades of their life. Why? To belong, to feel special. But in truth they sacrifice all that is special about them, to be accepted in a prison of sorts. I enter, learn the technic, go and keep a few friends or not and integrate the teaching into my huge tool box. The same goes with everything. I love to widen my horizon, but do not build up attachment. Why would I imprison myself in such a way?

Well, it turned out that all that seemed to be difficult, is just perfect. The areas of our life that had the most obstacles are the ones where our mastery will show up first. All that never seemed to work, was never supposed to work.

I am a carrier of the new energy, how should I have functioned very well in the old? I´ve got the ability to bring together very different people and hold an energetic space for them, where they can reconnect with their true self. And I am working with groups now, never doing the limiting stupid stuff others did with groups. I will not lead them, I will not master them, I inspire them to become their own sovereign self. And this sovereign self is exactly what I described, able to relate with everybody, one with the ocean of life, connected with everything while free and untamed.

And guess what? Now I find the ones that are different, but of the same kind. Souvereign. And we work together as free creators, without any obligations or attachments. My ability to hold the space fits perfectly with their skills. We encourage each other to be the best version of ourselves, but no one owes anything to anyone. There’s no competition, no jealousy, no contracts, no pressure, only love, joy, sharing, inspiration, love, laughter and grace.

Now I know why I never fitted in, I was never meant to be limited, because I’m just outstanding. And I know why I can relate to everyone, it´s because I can sense their sovereign being, their eternal self. I know now, that I have tried all my life to encourage people to bring this forth, I tried to show them how to be outstanding, while they tried to make me fit in. And the moment when I myself stopped trying to fit in, to be understood or accepted, but allowed myself to be outstanding was when my life changed. This is what I came for.

And all of my obstacles have been just perfect, because they trained me for my mission. I´m the one, to assist you to remember who you truly are. But I can not do it for you nor would I! Please only enter my life, when you are willing to be outstanding too. Being outstanding has nothing to do with a pumped up ego, out of lack of self-worth. A Master is humble and grandiose at once. He´s a living contradiction. He enjoys water as if it´s champagne. It’s the abundance of your true being, as an equal with others, out of self-awareness, as a sovereign self.

Do not follow me, but get inspired by me to ignite your own fire, to shine your own light <3

 

Credits to Manuela Grotz, she created the picture for my first book. It shows a modern version of the three weaver.

 

A uses b – The roots of Abuse

The #metoo brought a topic into the public, that has been suppressed for so long. As someone who has experienced and witnessed all kinds of abuse, I´m quite passionate about it and I´d like to bring in some other perspectives.

1.) Abuse happens in all areas of life, we are just so used! to it, that we ignore it in most cases. In the past the abuser had to fear justice only in cases when someone was raped and the injuries have been visible and made it impossible to ignore them (there are many cases where even that has been ignored).  But that have been just the extremest form of abuse.

The emotional wounds have been much deeper and invisible, therefore easy to ignore.

2.) Ignorance has been the enabler. What is seen as “normal” we tend to ignore. Although there is a feeling inside that things are not right, but that feeling is suppressed. On the outside the suppression shows up as ignorance or even victim-bashing as the extremest form of ignorance. People do not want to face the injustice that is taking place, because of the consequences they fear when facing the issue. Taking action might have bad consequences or provide inconveniences for themselves. The wounds that are caused by being left alone by family and so called friends are deeper and have a longer lasting effect than the abuse itself. That’s what makes it so difficult to heal. The ignorance is the reason why abuse is so normal for us, that people do not even recognize how huge that topic is.

A lot of abuse is happening not by violence and physical power, but by manipulation and deception. Why? Because of the deeply ingrained believe in lack, unworthiness and powerlessness.

Someone who believes in lack, in not having the own abilities to fulfill their wants and needs, will use his physical, mental, psychological or spiritual strength to get his needs met…via other people.

Read this again and open your eyes. Look around. Ponder about it. Once you see this truth you´ll see how widespread abuse of all kinds is. You´ll see that you have been abused very often, that you´ve enabled abuse and that you might have been the abuser yourself. No, I do not want you to feel bad. I ask you to face reality. This will keep on until we dare to change it. And when you look away today, you might be at the short end of the stick tomorrow…how much more pain and distortion will be needed until we change? Most people don’t care until it is not their their own pain or that of a loved one.

What makes abuse abuse? The consciousness. Two people meeting to exchange their gifts in an open loving way by free will, that´s co-creation, no matter the topic: business, money, sex, you name it. To live that way you have to trust in life, in your abilities to get your needs met and to find the right ones to work together with you by free will. You have to trust you will receive enough, when coming together with others.

Seen that way it’s no wonder we find the most disgusting people often in powerful positions. On the top of the ladder you find the ones fueled by their passions…or by their need to prove to themselves how worthy they are. The last ones do not trust, but believe in lack, they think they have to get their needs met by power, manipulation and deception.

Well think about it, to tell someone you love him/her to get into their pants is a kind of abuse. Just there´s no violence involved and therefore no bad consequences. It´s legal and normal. To tell a guy, whom you chose just because of his money, how much you love and adore him just to make him marry you, build a house and feed your kids, that’s also abuse. Why? Because you are not honest. You abuse your own abilities to make him fall in love with you, to make use of his ressources. You´re not laying your cards on the table and trust someone will be a match to play together as co-creators.

Abuse is literally everywhere. It’s just the extent to which it is happening that differs. But in its core it is the same mindset.

The owner of a company using people, who he doesn’t honor and pay well, to live himself in wealth while they have horrible life-conditions, that´s abuse too.

Someone befriending you, not because they like you, but because you have influence, power, talents, money, and trying to make use out of you, that’s abuse.

Telling your friend that this awesome dress doesn’t suit her, as you are jealous and want to be the prettiest girl this evening, that’s abuse.

I told you it is everywhere, it is “normal”. But as long as all of that is seen as normal, the Weinsteins of this world will be normal too. They are just the extreme results of our state of (un)consciousness, expressed in our daily actions.

Abuse is a game of lack. Whoever plays it, screws the own integrity. You cannot win it, there are absolutely no winners in this game. Even when you overtrump the whole world, you know it deep inside of you. That’s why darkworkers will never be happy people on the long run. They might be rich and famous, believing in their importance and ability to f*ck the whole planet, while the masses follow and admire them…but they will have to face truth one day, that nothing of all of that could heal their own wounds, the root of distortion. And the masses, that admired them? Well when the m gets silent, the rest might end in a shitstorm.

What heals the roots?

Dear one, there´s nothing more beautiful and important you can do for this planet and yourself right now, but give yourself the remedies that are called Love, Acceptance and Compassion.

Shine your light!

There´ll be a Rose Touch Session soon, just about this topic. If you are interested, please stay in touch with the Rose Touch.

Free Rose Touch Session – The ChristmasBirthday Party

This is a recording of a free session I gave while still connected with the energies of the last Monthly Rose Touch on January 7th 2018.

Topics that came up while the session are: Honoring the gift, that we are bringing in with our incarnation, making connection with the divine feminine and masculine principle to melt them together inside of us. And then there’s been a bridge formed to bring in the divine Lovelight and entering the cells of your body. Talk to your cells, have a divine party inside of you. You´re the vessel of all these beautiful energies, uniting within you.

https://youtu.be/V8HMyLrh8yI

 

Tune in and InJoy dear Ones  <3

Getting real or getting nowhere- one of the main topics in 2018

Welcome in the year 2018, dear Ones. May it be a happy, healthy and abundant one for you. 2018 reduces to 11 in numerology, what is the masternumber of divine service.

In 2018 one big topic will be to co-operate with the divine, to bring heaven down to earth, what might sometimes be a heavy task with Saturn staying in Capricorn until 2020.

I am writing about it, as I can relate to these energies very much. I´ve got Neptun near my Midheaven in my birthchart and Venus and Chiron in Pisces, so working in divine service is my lifepath. But I´ve been sended into my mission with a lot of grounding energies and for very good reasons! I´m a double capricorn with the ruler of Capricorn, Saturn, squaring my Sun.

Getting real or getting nowhere, that´s been my task and it will be a global topic in this year.

See Jupiter will stay in Scorpio almost all of the year and he´ll blow up all the dirty, dark stuff. Please do not despair, but welcome it. It´s been there all the time. I had to face some really ugly stuff myself last year, shattering a lot of illusions, but it is necessary as denial destroys us otherwise.

Well and when it comes to Saturn I´ve gotta explain his energies a bit. Saturn has a bad reputation as he is seen as the reaper and bringer of hardship and limitations. Although he seems to have been pu(ni)shing me a lot in my life, I came to a point where I started to understand this energy better. He is the old zen-master, making you climb the mountain every morning to carry up the water and you might curse him for that, what leaves him totally unimpressed. He holds the vision of your strong body, mind and spirit, and he´ll make sure to bring it into the physical reality. You can trust that every hardship he delivers is needed. Saturn is also the planet of time, structure and matter. On a global level his energies have been abused to install regulations and rigid laws, the old matrix of destortion is created with a shadow-aspect of Saturn. He´s been used to build the old system. Almost all energies have been misused by the dark forces ruling this planet the last few thousand years, so do not blame Saturn, but  the global state of (un-)consciousness.

But Saturn working for divine service in this year, will bring in the cosmic law. Spirit is going to matter literally. People can not act out destructive and expect to not receive the fruits of their actions. You´ll see quite some tough deliveries this year. Saturn brings tangible results and as he is not afraid to take away all that is not of integrity. Think of the old zen-master again. Could someone very mighty abuse him? Of course. But he´ll never give up, but wait patiently until time is ripe, like a Yoda would wait for the right timing. Saturn knows all about the right timing. It is now.

What does that mean for your personal life? It means it is a perfect year to focus on the important things, those that really matter and to let go of clutter. It means that when you have something you wanted to realize for a long time, now you can take actions to make it real. Saturn is not very likely to bring overnight success, but when you take small steps on a regular basis, you´ll get tangible results. Make sure what you want to bring down to earth is of integrity and for a higher purpose, than you´ll be supported. And when you have worked for a long time on such a project, it will now come into fruition.

There is something I have to adress to the spiritual community. We didn´t enter earth to dream us away into other realms, to swagger with our important pastlifes or the name of our guru and we didn´t enter this planet to find more ways to escape. We came to embody the change. We have to get real.  I am working with energies on a quantum level as a healer and I am using words and ideas as an author, but being real means holding a stranger in your compassionate arms while his sobbing wets your shoulder and his pain hits your energy field…and to deliver a safe h(e)aven of light and love in this moment, not as an idea, but in reality. It means to buy a bowl of soup for a homeless person or to gift some of your unnecessary clutter to people in need. Compassion in your daily actions. Heaven on earth.  Shine your immense light!

This picture shows a gem a very dear and lovely friend just gifted me. The picture with the Roses is carved in bone, what is a perfect expression of my birthchart-energies and fitting very much with the  energies of 2018.