I heard the term “Drama-Triangle” a few weeks ago in a Seminar at my working place. The lecturer brought the example of his mother in law, giving a call that she made a cake and will show up in half an hour with the cake (saviour). And how they, both him and his wife working, with 2 children, had an schedule totally filled and had to say “no, thank you”. With the result, that the mother in law first got totally upset and accusing (victimizer) and finally complained how she always tries to do them a favour and how it took her half the day to make that cake, that is now not valued (victim).
The same day a healer made me an offer. Something that I defo would need and only few places are available, but I can have one (saviour). I didn´t feel in any way I need his produkt and gave him a friendly no, wishing him all the best. (I sensed his pressure already as he needs the money, that´s been the reason why I made sure my no is an uplifting one. People often forget that I read energies). He than was not able to accept my no, telling me this would be just my fear and ego. (LOL?!). I still stayed patient, telling him it´s a bit absurd to tell me to know better than myself what I need. Oh my, that made him freak out totally! He went full circle or triangle, how unaware I am (victimizer), how outstanding his produkt is, that I wouldn´t value (victim) and how I had missed my great opportunity (saviour).
It´s just an example, as this was a timely coincident, but I decided to write about it, as I see this Drama-Triangle playing out so often. It´s a very destructive behaviour and people are totally unaware how they sabotage themselves and their goals. See, I never thought bad about that healer, my thoughts were positive, I never thought he might offer products that are not good. Just I have a 24/7 direct line to my higher aspects, they tell me what I need or not. I even felt compassion towards him, as I knew how it feels like to need money desperately. But that never made me manipulate or belittle others, no matter how difficult life became. See, you can not give out such an energy and expect to thrive in life. You just make things worse on the long run.
The reason why the Drama-Triangle isn´t working, but destructive:
You can not pump up your selfworth by belitteling others. And you are no victim, but in charge of your re-actions to life. And for sure you can not feel important by playing the saviour.
The whole Drama-Triangle is created by a low selfworth, what is most common on this planet. But it can only play out when you do not face your own feelings and when you still believe the big lie of “better or less than”.
What helps, no matter if you create the triangle or have to face someone who plays it out, is to bring in awareness. Observe what is just happening. If you have to deal with people, playing out that Drama-Triangle very often, you might remind yourself with hanging a picture of this triangle next to your phone or computer.
Your awareness will help you to not get dragged into the destructive game, but to stay present with yourself. So you do not have to take things personally. It has nothing to do with you, but it´s all about them and their projections. I might feel compassion towards them, but nevertheless I stay away from people that are fully engaged in this game. I give people the opportunity to become aware and to stop their behaviour, but if they do not want to take responsibility for themselves I stay away from them. For me that´s a matter of self-respect and self-care to not engage more than needed with toxic people. But in most cases you do not have to remove them, as they can not stand your presence, when you gain and emanate selfworth, and will stay away themselves. Of course they will tell everyone else what a horrible person you are, but well, the ones that believe them, they deserve them 😉
Take good care and shine your light <3