The EmPath and his relationships….with narcissists

All in the universe is looking for balance. The Empath is the universes answer of a world full of  narcissistic Psychopaths. Like magnets these two extreme types of personalities are dragged to each other. Mostly this is ending in pain, vain and tears, until we learn the lesson.

Mankind in general is until now in a child-like state of consciousness. We are trained to believe that someone else has to fullfil our wants and needs and is to blame when things aren´t going well. In this playground-scenario the little narcissist is the sandbox-bully and the little empath the nice kid, that is always bullied and therefore sweet, but in tears most of the time. Of course these are clichés and in real life we see many variations, but the cliché helps to paint the picture.

The point is that an empath is feeling other peoples emotions and he gives priority to the well-being of others. Believing that other peoples happiness will lead to his own fullfilment. Well somehow, in a very twisted way, that fits with the narcissist, who knows only one priority: His own well-being, believing the whole world has to care about him. And when you fullfil his wants and needs he can be quite charming, but the tiniest thing can also turn him into a monster. Well, together they both have been forming the normal disfunctional relationship on planet earth. The empath has been the caring part, trying to fullfil everybodies needs and desires, but often becoming unhappy, cause his own needs have not been met by the others. Their counterpart has been demanding in some way, making the rules, claiming attention and admiration. If someone doesn´t obey, he´s been punished in some way. Often by rejection, abandonment or by trying to awake feelings of guilt within the empath, who than tries even harder to please the narcissistic person. That´s the most common relationship pattern of the empath. Not only when it comes to partnering, but also with family, friends or co-workers.

As I am an empath myself and therefore know that dynamic just too well, I discribe how important it is to leave this destructive pattern behind out of the empath point of view. Until now I have not met narcissistic people, who really wanted to change. Of course they pretend they will, but they don´t really mean it. It´s just part of their game. Why should they change at all? If their life falls into pieces they blame everybody else and try to re-gain their power over you through manipulation. And in case that isn´t working, they´ll look out for the next empath to energetically feed off.

The moment when we realize that pattern, we might get sad or angry. But you don´t have to, cause realizing the pattern is already the way out. There´s also no point in blaming others or yourself. Just leave your pattern behind, that´s all.

Please understand that both involved personalities are the different side of the same coin, as they are created the same way, through a difficult childhood, where they didn´t receive true love. And true love, for themselves, is the real so(u)lution for both, to leave the repetition-mode behind. I wrote about it a while ago: The cursed children.

Here are a few points that might help the Empath:

  1. Take care for yourself like you take care for everyone else you truly love. Become your own lover, friend, child. I know it is not easy, but it will turn out to be really fun and joyful.
  2. Take time for yourself. Make sure you have top-priority. In case you never find time, make an appointment with yourself. And do not miss it for someone else!
  3. Fill your cup first. Activities many empaths enjoy to fill their batteries are: being in nature, listening to music, creating arts or to take time for wellness treatments.
  4. Breathing-technics or meditation to center within themselves are very helpful for empaths. When you are anchored and aware, others can not steal your energy that easy as they used to.
  5. Understand that if you are stable and joyful, you´ve got way more to give. Self-care has an important, positive effect, also on your environment.
  6. Trust in others, that they are capable. If they are not challenged they can not grow. Sometimes the best help is no help.
  7. Fixing other peoples issues is easy…caring for the own is more difficult. Stop distracting yourself with other peoples stuff. Face your own issues.
  8. Only help others, when they ask for it. And stop helping them, when they do not value it. Why? Out of respect for others and yourself.
  9. Surround yourself with other empathic people, cause they can understand you and you will do each other no harm, but you´ll cheer each other up.
  10. Feel loved by a higher source. When the divine loves you, cares for you, than there´s no reason to not do the same for yourself also.

I remember that I´ve been visiting a seminar of Shamir Ladhani in the first days of 2016. When I asked him what to do as an empath to not be so drained, he answered that I have to listen to “my own song” instead of the noise of this world. I felt a bit frustrated, cause I knew he was right, but I didn´t know how to get there. 1,5 years later I can state that it is still not always easy, but that I have made a huge progress. I can assure you that to listen to the own song is really key. Empathic people have so much to give, make sure to be an overflowing fountain and not a muddy puddle.

Please stay away from all toxic relationships. This is something I had to learn the hard way myself. It is so easy for me to love and I want all people to thrive, so I attracted the wrong people (they are not really wrong, cause they are the right ones to train us out of our pattern). But even when I recognized this pattern, I still had another obstacle. I have high standards and insisted that I have to be able to deal with the difficult people. That´s been nonsense. Please don´t do that to yourself! If you are too sensitive for a bully, than just stay away. If someone else is drinking poison (acting out destructive), why  should we join that person? To prove how strong we are and how much we love them? If we love them and us, we break the pain-chain. When we want to prove our strenght, we shall use this strenght to walk our own path. It´s not easy for an empath to not get effected by the feelings of their surrounding, but we didn´t come here to suffer with others. When we get affected or even infected by others feelings, that´s not helpful for anyone. Train yourself to listen to your own beautiful song and make sure to not weaken yourself and to not spend too much time with difficult people.

An empath is a very precious thing. This world needs people that are able to feel love and compassion. We came to send out high vibrations, to infect this world with love, not to be dragged down by those that enjoy destruction. Spend your energy in things and people that are constructive.

Shine your empathic light!

 

 

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