Day: June 15, 2017

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The freeing of the throat chakra

I am living a life that is filled with wonders. It really is, they are sometimes happening to me, sometimes happening through me or witnessed by me. Often these wonders have had many little steps of preparing before a huge groundbreaking step could be made, that seems like an unbelievable wonder, coming out of the blue. Literally in this case, as the color of the throat-chakra is blue.

I have been silenced and killed for speaking my truth so very often, like so many of us have been. Experiencing to stay in silence when we should have spoken up, or to have spoken, when we should´ve stay silent. Whatever we did, it always had lead into trauma of some kind.

Exactly one year ago I was told by a guy that I should be more careful with my self-expression, as I´d not be aware of the power of my words. I looked at him and thought that he is not aware, that this power he projected onto me, was also his own and that he silenced me so often in other lifes because he struggeled with his own power and voice. Well, this time he didn´t kill me physically, but took my voice in other ways with much cruelty. We were a perfect match of suppressed self-expression. But it could do me no real harm, as I am using all adversities now  as stepping stones and try to transmute all energies. And a lot of it had to do with freeing my throat and taking back my voice.

I have described a few weeks ago in a blogpost, how my creativity had been suppressed in my childhood and how I had started with writing almost 12 years ago. Many things happened to free my throat in these years. Bringing out my first two books the last 5 years, I have had  a writers podcast, I´ve been creating this blog a year ago, in a language that I almost not even dared to speak, because of mean mocking about my abilities to express myself in english. In the beginning of 2017 I even started to have little vids on a YouTube-Channel and I recorded two guided meditations into the “Inner Rosegarden”. Recently I had started a german blog about my childhood abuse and speaking about my true self as a Healer of Hearts. I have started to express myself in many ways, but I never dared to sing, as I´ve been unable to hold the tone and have been deeply shamed for that. I had also described in that blogpost how I nevertheless once have sung a song to my daughter when she was a baby and how she had felt the love in my voice and stopped crying and fell asleep.

But still I couldn´t hold a tone and was very shy even when singing a happy birthday together with others when my voice was hardly heared at all. Well, yesterday I went to an online meeting for “Balancing your throat chakra”.

Today I suddenly starting singing. And don´t get me wrong, I´ll not start a new business and I will not become a great singer. But I used my voice naturally, expressing my feelings openly and not feeling ashamed at all. To prove it I have today recorded the song I have been singing to my daughter as a baby. It was created out of two Elvis-Songs, that came to my mind that night 30 years ago, when I had tried to comfort my crying daughter. Today this song, you hear when opening the link: The freeing of the throat-chakra had closed a beautiful circle. I have just changed the lyrics a little bit.

A deeply felt “Thank you” to everyone, that helped me to become free, like a bird in a tree.

We can only perceive our own nature

I was wondering a long time, why people can not see the love and beauty all around them. And I´ve got to confess that for a very long time I tried to help them see. But we can not. It´s been a lesson that took me quite some years, made me knock so often at the wrong doors, or wait for people that they finally move to a nicer state of being. But that has been just a distraction from my own path and a total waste of time and energy…well, but of course it doesn´t really matter, as there is no lack of time and energy in the multiverse.

Must have been eight or nine years ago, when I wrote a story about an angel, visiting hell and trying to tell the tortured souls they might just very easily leave their pots of boiling water. But noone listened, they just wanted her to stay next to them, to hold their hands while they moaned about the pain, instead of just leaving it behind. There was even one guy, trying to convince her to join him, as this would be a luxurious yacuzzi and they might have a hot pot party. If I find that story, I might translate it in english and post it, it is quite funny – and true.

For a long time I thought people are just fooled into darkness, but more and more I see, that it is their free choice. You might offer them as much love and light as you want, they´ll not be able to deal with it. Even when they pretend that they want it, they do not. You can send them a Jesus and they´ll nail him to the cross, sell the pieces and parts of that cross, kill and torture others in the name of Jesus…and not understand one of his words.

For a long time I thought something must be wrong with me, cause somehow people just couldn´t see or hear me. Literally. People almost run into me very often. Physically seen it is not easy to oversee or overhear me. Some people told me it must be my faulth, that I do not see myself, or do not show myself. And of course I was so willing to see it as my failure. It is not, all is well and I received some masterlessons lately.

I tried to tell people in my office that I do not want to hear things about violence, rape and sexual abuse, especially not the details out of a police report…but they just did not hear it. They reacted on the first half of my sentence (cause they normally listen), but the rest they just did not hear. If they would have listened, they would have to face their hunger for destortion, and that´s not what they want to see…and change. Today I even left the room in the middle of their talk, without saying one word, I turned around and simply left, let them literally speak into empty air and they did not react at all to my unusual and rude behaviour. Astonishing.

I exposed some really unknown chapters of my life lately and people that are normally following every move of me and that are really curious just did not see it. Interesting.

Yesterday I read an eye-opening story in “Memoirs of a Master”. In this story the Master visits a shop in an Elvis-Las- Vegas-Dress and at the end there is a message over the loudspeaker saying “Elvis has left the building”…and noone reacts. People do not see and hear what is out of their own vibration. And in this story it is explained that this happens for safety-reasons. So when I was trying it today, acting in a rude manner and people didn´t respond at all, I realized it is true.  And for the first time I felt good, when not being seen and heared. I´ve been dragged to the pyre too often by people that called it a bonfire, as destroying what they weren´t able to build had been their passion by free choice. No need to hang around with them. We can not make the blind see, unless they want it.

Today when coming from work I entered the tram, that´s been overly crowded, as it´s been rush-hour. On the ground there was a broken white Rose, maybe it felt out of a bouquet. Noone saw the flower, I wondered how it comes that they did not step onto her. So I picked her up, carried her home and gave her water. I posted a picture and the comment of Coco, that this flower is like fresh snow, pure, made me realize, that she would have seen and picked the Rose also. Her words showed who she is. People can only perceive purity and beauty, when they have it themselves.

We can not heal the darkness of others, just remove our own (we all have it to some degree). But when we shine our light, the right ones will see it. Isn´t that perfect?