Noone on earth has a clear point of view. And the closer you are to the object, the less clearer the overview. You´ll only focus on one small part of the whole picture. That´s the reason why we see the issues of others so clearly, but at the same time struggle with our own.
To make things worse, we all have our personal filters. They are, like a pair of glasses, totally changing what we see. If you ever tried to watch through colored glasses you´ll agree that seemingly stabile reality changes totally when you change glasses/colours.
The problem is that noone else can change the glasses but the one on the inside. Trouble is most people aren´t even aware of their strange perspective, as they are so used to it, that it seems normal to them.
And, as I had to experience often, noone is able to assist someone, unless this person is ready for it. As long as one isn´t aware of his problem and gives intend to find soulutions, noone is able to help this person. They will blame others, destiny, karma, god, society and of course you for their problems, but they´ll never watch the one in charge: themselves.
Everyone who has witnessed a mate or a child to be somehow stuck knows it very well. You might try to assist them, encourage them as much as you want, it´ll just drive you mad and cause disagreement. They won´t even understand that you want to help them, but think you are picky, want to belittle or restrict them. All you say or do has to pass their filters and therefore will be misunderstood.
As hard as it is to witness this with a loved one, there´s only one thing you might do: Care for yourself and let go!
If someone chooses to take poison, there´s no use in joining him. Choose to stay healthy yourself as you are only responsible for one person and that is you.
And in case they would ever choose your help, you´ll be strong and stabile. Tell them you´ll be there, when they are ready, but don´t help before they ask you to. It´s the planet of free choice and even if someone would insist to go through their own kind of hell, as in cases of an addicted child, you´ll have to let them.
Interestingly enough if you choose to care for yourself, things change on the outside quite often. Sometimes even instantly, as you take pressure out of the system, when you let go.
Noone ever teached us, but being selfish enough to care for ourselves, might encourage the other to do the same for himself. And it´s the loving selfcare that might change the situation for the better, as it opens for soulutions.
Shine your light!